The Dreaded Drama Triangle (and a way more fun alternative)

Have you ever been in a complicated, “bad,” or toxic relationship, of any kind?

Yeah, me neither…

Just kidding. Of course I have, and you, and everyone’s mom has these lying around in their lives!  Human relationships easily complicate and we all play our roles in those dynamics.

Recently, I was re-introduced to the concept of the “Drama Triangle” and find it incredibly clarifying.  

As I was learning this tool again, I used the example of an interaction with my dad.  At first, I saw my victimhood. I blamed and closed my mind and focused on my hurt. As we continued to explore the triangle, I reflected on a time I had called him out and realized… oops, that was persecuting.  Ouch. In the same way, by failing to talk to him more clearly and openly, holding back for fear, I was honestly trying to rescue him from discomfort.  

You see, when we are in the Dreaded Drama Triangle, it means we are approaching the situation with anxiety and focusing on the problem.  When put that way, few people would consciously choose that!

Think of a relationship in your life that has elements of drama, great or small.  Where do you see yourself in the triangle first? In what ways might you be persecuting the persecutor? Who is stepping in to rescue you or the persecutor?  Often, we are playing multiple or all the roles, like above with my dad and I.

Now, this tool in itself is quite powerful, if you ask me…. Then it gets better!

The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) literally flips the Drama Triangle on its head and I love it.  Check it out:

This passion-based, outcome-focused approach is filled with compassion, mindfulness, and choice. Rather than being strung along by the situation and our emotional reactions to it, we choose empowerment and connection.  Swoon!

In this dynamic, my dad is challenging me to speak my (freaking!) needs. Yes, I too get tongue-tied when it comes to communication, folks.  In that way, I have the opportunity to create a new kind of connection with him and understanding of myself. We then have the option of coaching each other to get out of our comfort zones and learn more about our changing relationship!  

So. Much. Better.  Or, because I am just returning from a trip in Mexico… mucho mejor, amigos!

Let me know how this resonates with you and if you give The Empowerment Dynamic a try as you explore dramatic relationships in your life.

Con amor!!!

Blake