The Option to Forgive
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone; you are the one who gets burned. — Buddha
Last week, we explored the Dreaded Drama Triangle and The Empowerment Dynamic. As I was exploring these concepts with colleagues, I was suddenly struck by how, in the light of reflection, these made forgiveness feel so much more natural. Forgiveness is one way to keep ourselves from the drama triangle.
Allow me to explain. If we…
Accept that people make mistakes,
hold our personal boundaries,
and forgive when we and others mess up,
we keep ourselves from the victim stance that often, eventually leads to perpetration. It can be so hard to forgive when it plays into that deep, dark story that we are not worthy of love and that’s why they hurt us. If we truly believe we are worthy and that people will continue to act from places of hurt, it is not about us (victims), it is about how sometimes life is hard...
The Empowerment Triangle is all about choice and mindfulness. We can choose to stop the cycle of hurting, even if it’s just this once. We can choose to let go of the hot coal even when it may seem safer to keep it…
A quote, attributed to many different sources, says,
“Forgiveness is letting go of all attachment to a better past.” It is for safe passage through all the things we cling to in hurt.
For some of us, sometimes, it may never be easy. And that’s okay. May we all at least know this is an option and consider that this could serve us better than resentment.
You are more than enough,
Blake