Let's talk about the F-word: Failure
Photo by Van Tay Media on Unsplash
Recently, I tried something.
Well, I have been trying for a while; several swings coming up short, and learning new strategies. After a few quiet attempts, I started talking about it more, reaching out for guidance and simply sharing my experience. On my most recent swing at it, I had spent months seeking advice, feedback, creating and recreating multiple drafts, and getting a bit overwhelmed…
And then the email arrived.
“We appreciate your submission, your idea, and your support of TEDxSLC…” (uh oh)
We received over 200 applications with many incredible ideas… (this isn’t going to be good)
Unfortunately, your idea was not selected…” (stop reading, ouch this hurts)
My heart, my ego, my brain all hurt. I thought to myself, I had tried really hard and it didn’t work. I asked for help from people who knew more than me, and it didn’t land. I’ve already tried so many times, my ideas must not be good.
Maybe you’ve been here before? Mind racing with thoughts, worries, insecurities, and a strong desire to hide the vulnerability.
Fortunately, I have been there before and I knew a way forward:
Step one: giving myself permission to feel anything and everything I felt
Step two: continue Step One until it stings less, beginning to be accepted and allowed
Step three: talk about it with trusted people, who have earned the right to hear my story
Step four: when I need nothing from anyone that I have not already given myself, it is safe for me to share in a bigger way if that feels authentic
Step five: get curious, adjust the settings, decide what action I will take from here
We need to talk about coming up short, swinging and missing, stumbling and falling, or even the big, bad F-word of FAILURE. As a society, we tend to brush these under the rug, into the back of our minds, and into a place of shame and judgment where they fester, telling us lies and fiercely holding us back.
If the only shared and celebrated outcome for us, others, or society is the achievement of the end-goal, we lose sight of how many twists, turns, re-do’s, and slow-downs it takes to do big things.
Big things like applying for your dream job, getting your dream job, falling in love, staying in love, training, coming back from injury, changing course, changing course again, speaking up, and refining that idea until it sings…
We need to talk about failure, or whatever word you want to use, because it is real. It has been happening all around us since the beginning of time. We need to talk about failure because to deny the reality of learning and imperfection is like denying gravity – ultimately painful.
Maybe the most important reason we need to talk about failure, learning, and imperfection is that doing so actually sets us up for success. When we own how much work we will have to invest into what is important to us, we are infinitely more likely to take those steps, however long it takes. The steps that, ultimately, lead to what we are chasing.
Keep stumbling, falling, and getting back up again you remarkable, authentic human,
Blake